March 7, 2012 will live in my memory forever as one of the best days of my life. It will also live in my memory forever as a day when I made the biggest fool of myself possible!
You see, I LOVE to read. I read all of the time. I read from my phone, from my Kindle (her name is Lovey), from the computer, from “old fashioned” books, basically, anything I can get my hands on I read.
Well, a while back, some years ago now I’m sure, I was introduced to a blogger turned author by the name of Jen Lancaster. This woman is my mouth twin! It really is amazing the likeness in our attitudes!
I read her blog, beginning to current, read all of her books, some multiple times. Bitter is the New Black is my fave! That book will is so funny it will make me wet my pants every time!
What do you know, her new book tour brought her RIGHT HERE to my quaint little town! I was sure I would not live to see the day!
My most amazing son got up bright and early on his day off to show up at the bookstore in order to get my bracelet as that is the only way you could get an autograph. How amazing was that of him? I tell ya, he deserves son of the year!
I got off of work and went straight to the bookstore in order to be able to see her REAL GOOD. Also hoping for a miracle that she might browse whilst waiting for her enamored fans to show. Alas, that did not happen. Nor did I need to arrive 2 hours early. They were expecting a showing of 300 and barely 100 were there. It really was quite sad. Anyway, I digress.
I awoke bright and early, dressing especially for my meeting with my girl crush, pearls and all. On the way to work, a bird pooped on my windshield. I was so hoping that was a good sign. I don’t think it was. You see, I was dressed in black and white. Why? I don’t know. I do know, however, I CAN’T WEAR WHITE WITHOUT GETTING SOMETHING ON IT! This escaped my memory as I specially selected my garments for the day. I arrive at work, eat breakfast and sip my coffee as I go about my morning, slowly waking up and as I take a “sip” of coffee, I totally miss my mouth and pour half of my giant mug down the front of my black and white blouse. Fortunately, I work in a hospital and we have a maternity unit. One of my dear nurse friends thought to get some baby wipes from there and use them. That eliminated a good portion of the stain and stink. Not all of it though, mind you.
The remainder of the day progressed without incident and I arrived bright and shiny at the bookstore, browsed, treated myself to a Caramel Macchiato and a brownie from the Starbucks inside and waited anxiously for her arrival. I could hardly sit still. My palms were sweaty, my knees were shaky, my feet were dancing. My mind raced with all of the possibilities! What would I say to her?? What if she invited us all to go get a glass of wine after the signing! I can’t go because I’m to chicken to have a glass of wine and drive! I will look like a giant pansy to her!
She did arrive and my early arrival did a little bit of good because I was lucky enough to be in the very front! I had a completely unobstructed view of my author idol! I could count every single pearl draped so eloquently around her neck! I believe we even had matching earrings! How special is that???
She began the evening with a question/answer session. Lots of people asked lots of questions. I couldn’t think of a single one. I can think of a million now. Oh well. She did, however, ask us a question. One of the things the audience wanted to know was if any of her books were going to make it to the silver screen. She began telling of how she wished one of her books (I can’t remember which one because this is the point in where I actually died and had to be resuscitated) was being shopped for television and someone important was reading it. Her question was “Guess Who!??!” Well, me in all of my idiotic glory, shouted at the top of my lungs “Oh My GOD! Candace Bushnell!!” Um, she has nothing to do with TV. She is also an author. At this point, Jen, yes were are on a first name basis, looked at me and said, “um, no. Think actress” with the most curious look in her eye. I’m certain she thought I was a deranged stalker girl who knew nothing of her books or reason for being there.
Well, that’s not all folks! When the time came for autographs, I went up there with my books and a blank piece of paper for my Kindle autograph, and while she was signing everything, she said “you know we can chat for a moment?” My response? “I’m so star struck I can’t think of a thing to say!”
Could I have sounded more like an idiot this night of all nights? I promise you I have a small bit of intelligence! I just think the bird poo did me in!